In this “Half-Rusty” edition of the podcast, Owen talks about being sick, Kenny describes a “spread” offense, Kenny goes with a non-Bon and Viv, and balance is discussed. 

In this episode, Kenny describes cover zero, calls an audible on his favorite hard seltzer, and Owen introduces a new segment with a new local fake sponsor. Big Sky picks by Nic Cage.

In this episode we talk about how Cal Poly football can get back to their winning ways, the Bon and Viv moment of the week, and Big Sky picks from Jeff Goldblum. 

On this edition of the podcast, Kenny advocates for more passing, there’s a new Bon and Viv flavor, and Kris Kristofferson makes his Big Sky Football Picks of the Week. 

Kenny Stevenson joined the fansmanship podcast again this week to try to describe what a pro-style offense looks like, we break-down the Horseshoe game this week, and the thing you’ve all been clambering for: more exciting hard seltzer talk.

Meanwhile, Nic Cage gives his Big Sky football predictions for this week at about the 30 minute mark. 

So last week was an exercise in the early bird getting the worm, or biting the hand that feeds, I don’t know, I don’t do “analogies” (no idea why I air quoted that, I definitely meant analogies). To give you some context, I am about to move to New York for two months to shoot a show for Netflix (I can’t say much more than that), and so life has been busy with packing, getting our place ready for sub-leasers, blah, blah, humblebrag, humblebrag. Needless to say there was some ball dropping during that time, and yes, that is supposed to be a really bad pun in regards to basketball.

I was seriously about to write a post about how the Lakers need to seriously fire Byron Scott.  Then, they fired Byron Scott.  Then, I was going to write a post about Byron’s firing and give some suggestions as to what the new coach should do.  Then, they hire Luke Walton after I wrote more than enough for a full post. I was going to talk about how it’s not personal, and how Byron is, and will be a Laker for life.  I was going to talk about how I used to work Byron Scott basketball camps over the summers while I was at Cal Poly, and how every experience I had with man, painted him as a great leader. However, over all of that, I was going to say that he still deserved to be fired. I guess for fun’s sake, here is that post:

Nothing personal.  As I said, I used to work Byron’s camps.  I am a die-hard Lakers fan, and as I have already all stated (maybe I should just delete the first paragraph here, but comedy is repetition, so this will all probably come up again), and Byron will always hold a special place in all of our hearts for the Showtime days. Those days of Showtime are long, long gone, and Byron seemed to be the only person who still felt like kids who were born years after Showtime ended, would want to hear stories about it.

THE PEOPLE v. O.J. SIMPSON: AMERICAN CRIME STORY – Pictured: (l-r) Cuba Gooding, Jr. as O.J. Simpson. CR: FX

When I was twenty working Byron’s camp, hearing stories about running with Magic, and Worthy, and Rambis was all I wanted. Sitting with the man who recruited him to Arizona State tell us stories how OJ took Byron on his recruiting trip to USC (yeah, that OJ as in Orenthal J. Simpson the person, but not this picture, this picture is of Cuba Gooding Jr).   Now to a kid in his early 20’s…in 1996, this kind of story was  really cool. But telling those same stories to a twenty-year old in 2016 is like someone telling me stories about Gail Goodrich in the 90’s. I respect them, but do I really wanna hear them? Probably not.

Maybe, if you cast John Travolta as Gail Goodrich, I would wanna hear the hell out of that because Travolta’s Robert Shapiro is the best/worst performance by an actor in twenty years. Unless Ryan Murphy changes his plans for Season 2 of American Crime Story, twenty-year old Kenny would probably not want to hear about how things were back in the 60s, so why would we expect D’Angelo Russell and Julius Randle to just fall over themselves because they are being coached by a Lakers legend. They need to respect him, but not pine over him.

Which leads me to my next point, which is Byron’s offense was totally outdated. Before I continue, I am not an analytics guy, meaning specifically that I don’t know how to compute a lot of them, but I respect the data that they represent. Byron, very famously, does not respect analytics, and it showed on the court. Everything that the Lakers did this season was slow. A ton of one-on-one (there is a for sure an analytic that will show you the lack of ball movement in the Lakers offense), working deep into the shot-clock, leading to a usually contested shot. If the year was 2010, then what I just described would called “the NBA”, but those times are long gone.

Offenses now are predicated on movement and spacing, you know, the stuff that the last Lakers coach who everyone hated preached and coached. We all thought he was crazy when he wanted to bring Pau Gasol off the bench, or have Pau sit out at the three point line to shoot threes.

For the record, that was really stupid, and he really messed up with Pau, but he had the right idea, in that, unless you have a back to the back post player like Al Jefferson or Hassan Whiteside, you really shouldn’t be playing someone deep in the post for over 30 minutes a game, much as Byron did for the ENTIRE YEAR! Look, we all love Roy Hibbert on “Parks and Recreation” (and I am not just saying that because I was in four episodes of the show, but any chance I can get a shameless plug for a really great show, that also gives me residuals if you go and stream it, I’m gonna go for it),

…but the fact that Byron never at any point played Larry Nance at center, and Julius Randle at power forward, show a real lack of creativity. I mean, once the season was lost, he should have really unleashed the kids on the NBA. Nance starting at center would have probably generated the same stats that THE Roy Hibbert was giving (please crunch the numbers analytics person, and Nance’s athleticism would have added more than Hibbert’s length.  See below.

Okay, day one of the Big West Tournament is in the books and I went 2 for 2.  I am a .500 prognosticator.  But, as we say in show business, “The show must go on”! (I have literally never heard anyone say this). Here are my picks for Round Two of the Big West Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Game #1: #1 Hawaii vs #4 UCSB

UCSB has won nine games in a row, and Hawaii is just really good, so this has the potential to be a really great game. I think Hawaii is the better team, but this is the right time of the year for a team to be hot, and UCSB has some momentum. Their mascots are really cool (Gauchos vs. Rainbow Warriors), so I can’t give an advantage there. So, let’s move on to notable alumni. One of the biggest alumni of UCSB is the great actor Michael Douglas. He has been a myriad of great films, and was excellent recently in “Ant-Man”. For Hawaii, we have the man who created the man, Barack Obama, Sr. To be fair, Daddy Obama wasn’t always there for Barack, in fact, he was not there at all, but he is still responsible for giving us our current President, so I think that gives a little bit of an edge

Winner: Hawaii

Game #2: #2 UC Irvine vs. #3 Long Beach State

Justin Bibbins has tangibly improved his game by leaps and bounds over the past two years for Long Beach State. By Owen Main

This also looks to be a good game, as the classic LA vs. OC rivalry is ignited. This means a lot to me because I was raised in Orange County, but now I live in LA County. I am kind of repping LA until I die now, so for me it is hard to go against Strong Beach, especially since their alumni game is mad strong (Steve Martin, Steven Spielberg). However, UC Irvine, and it’s notable alumni, John Lovitz, in the end is just going to be too much for them. It pains me to say it because I left the OC fifteen years ago, and have never looked back.  There’s a lot of pain there.  And don’t get me started about the Irvine Spectrum!!!!!

Winner: UC Irvine.

Yeah, that’s the ticket…

That’s it for today.  Stay tuned for tomorrow’s championship pick!

Hi,

So the Big West Tournament starts in about four hours, and I am hoping to give my daily picks as to who is going to win each game, and I have a hunch, each game is going to be chosen for some insane reason, because I am a crazy person (which I have said several times in my posts).  Okay, no time like the present, so let’s get to some picks.

The longest-tenured Big West head coach, Bob Williams looks to avoid an upset at the hands of his former team. By Owen Main

Game #1: #4 U.C. Santa Barbara vs. #5 U.C. Davis

The Bob Williams Bowl!  Yes, Bob Williams used to coach at UC Davis, and led them to the (Division II) National Championship in 1998 as you can read about here A guy I played with in high school actually started on that team.  That means nothing to what I am currently writing, just felt like saying it.

This was like twenty years ago now, and I am sure there is almost no bad blood between the two teams, so this one is kind of a toss-up.  That being said I have to pick someone, so I am going to say the Aggies get revenge on the man who created them a la Kylo Ren killing Han Solo (this is no longer a spoiler when the film makes billions of dollars).

pick: UC Davis

Game #2: #1 Hawaii vs. #8 Cal State Fullerton

This doesn’t need to take long.

pick: Hawaii

Game #3: #2 UC Irvine vs. #7 Cal Poly

Now, as a “journalist” (that just sounds weird when talking about myself), I need to be unbiased here, and call this game the way I see it, but as a Cal Poly alumnus, it’s really hard to go against the Mustangs.  In reality, UC Irvine is the pick here.  They have a legit argument for making the tournament if they don’t win the conference tournament, and they will be playing post-season basketball regardless.  They have NBA talent on their team, and the Mustangs really don’t have anyone who can match up with their big three.

pick: Cal Poly

Game #4: #3 Long Beach State vs. UC Riverside

The nightcap, which features probably the greatest mascot match up, which is saying a lot based on the other match ups, but I mean 49ers vs. Higlanders (seriously why have I not written a post about the Highlander mascot and the Highlander movies.  That’s coming). That being said, Pound State (LBS) would be the top team in the conference if UC Irvine or Hawaii didn’t exist, so…

pick: Strong Beach

Those are my picks for today!  Check back tomorrow for the next round.  Now as my homegirl Heidi Klum says: Let’s start the show!

The is year is 1995.  I am a senior in high school (please don’t do the math to figure out how old I am), graduation is coming up, and soon, I will be a freshman at Cal Poly. At this point in my life, I had grown up a Los Angeles Rams fan. My family were season ticket holders. We used to wait around after games hoping to run into players. My favorite player was current USC Athletic Director Pat Hayden (and if you know how much I hate USC, you know how insane that last statement was), and one of my fondest birthdays was on my eighth birthday when Eric Dickerson broke O.J. Simpson’s (remember he played football) single season rushing record.  So, you can image what I felt when on a cold (this was Orange County, so not cold.  Let’s say brisk), no brisk, March night when I learned that Georgia Frontiere decided to move my Los Angeles Rams to St. Louis.

There she is. If you look closely enough, that Georgia Frontiere smile is actually a mosaic of thousands of sad Orange County Rams fans. By Jamal Farmer, via Wikimedia Commons

I was more than a little heartbroken.  This was my team.  These were my guys.  Jerome Bettis. The Battering Ram.  The Rams had just finally benched Jim Everett.  I mean things were looking up for us, and then, it was gone.  For those of us who have had a team leave you, it’s just like a lover leaving you for someone else.  You are all alone, yet you look over and you see your former lover smiling and having a good time.

Why do they get to have all the fun?   Why do they get to run their trucks through a fake finish line, as if the Rams were in a race to get the hell out of Southern California?  Well, I guess I could become a Raiders fan?  Wait, what, the Raiders are moving too?  Well, I wasn’t really a Raiders fan anyway.  So what did I do?

I was too hurt to still support the Rams in another city, so I thought well, San Diego is only an hour away, so I guess I’ll become a Chargers fan. I have to say it was hard to get with the Chargers at first, especially in 1997, when they had Jim Everett on their roster, and God, if that didn’t bring up some scars. I tried to follow my new team, but like a person in a rebound relationship, it was hard to be all-in on the Lightning Bolt. I mean, it was exciting in some ways, but some of my heart had gone to St. Louis.

And then came the greatest show on turf, the 1999 Super Bowl.  It was the dating equivalent of your girlfriend having sex with her new boyfriend in front of billions of people.  That was hard to watch. Add in a trip to St. Louis a few years later, when I told fans that I used to be an LA Rams Season ticket holder, and was met with only chants of, “they’re our team now”, I decided it was time to close the book on the Rams, and just be a Chargers fan. There were a lot of great seasons as a Chargers fan. We had Flutie, Brees, Rivers, Tomlinson, Gates — Hall of Fame players. There was a string of playoff runs, and the only bump in the road was the fact that I couldn’t stand Norv Turner as a coach. But I was happy as a Chargers fan. I even went to watch them practice at the StubHub Center in Carson. (side note: watching an NFL team practice is CRAZY BORING).  And this became my favorite sports themed song.

Then, about a year or so ago it started.  Stan Kroenke bought some land in Inglewood, and there were talks about the Rams coming home to LA, and the Chargers moving from San Diego to Los Angeles (the Raiders were also involved in this, but as previously stated, I am not a Raiders fan).

A wave of mixed emotions came over me. My former lover, and my current lover both vying for me love? I couldn’t take it. I checked out. I didn’t really follow the NFL too closely (not even the Bolts), because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Seriously. I did this. I quit paying attention. Guys, I have told you in the past, I am a total weirdo, and in this case a somewhat shellshocked one. I didn’t want to invest too much time in the NFL because I had been hurt once, and I did not want to get hurt again.

And then it happened. Last week, it happened. The Rams are coming home!

Leading into the meetings with the league, I didn’t really think it would bring up some emotions in me when the Rams came back, but it has. I have such great memories of going to Rams games as a kid. You know that token memory of walking into a ballpark for your first baseball game, that they use in about two to three car commercials each year? That was the Rams for me. Maybe because they played less games than a baseball team did, but every time we went to a Rams game it was special, and all of those good feelings came back right away. All my favorite players were Rams, Jackie Slater, Pat Hayden, Kevin Greene, Eric Dickerson, and Pete

“mother f***ing” Holohan.  Not many people latch- on to Pete Holohan when it comes to famous LA Rams, but to me Pete Holohan is pivotal to my Rams experience growing up because having season tickets, we sat in front of a man who was probably the President of the Pete Holohan fan club, and every down on offense, this man would yell, “Give the ball to Holohan!” Every down. So it’s hard for me to not think of the Rams without thinking of tight end Pete Holohan.

So thinking about Holohan, and Dickerson, and those great times going to Angels Stadium with my Dad and brothers, I have to say, I am excited about the Rams coming back to LA. My lover has come home, and while she may have had some good times with her last boyfriend, I know that she really loved it with me the best. Now, with the Chargers maybe coming too, I may have both of my teams in one place. It’s like your old-girlfriend comes home and is cool with your new girlfriend, and you get to date both of them. A dream scenario. However, there is something special to having my childhood team, that I literally grew up with (they left when I was 18, which is legally an adult). I am even thinking about putting a $100 deposit down for season tickets, so I can carry on the tradition from my family. I’m excited for the Rams to be back. You should be too.

Let’s RAM IT!

Last week, the Big West announced its 2015-16 Big West Men’s Basketball pre-season rankings.  At the top of the rankings, for good reason, is UC Irvine.  The Anteaters are coming off a 21-win season and return the Bruiser from Britain, Luke Nelson (please note this is not his actual nickname) and Mamadou N’Diaye, the 7-6″ Wall of Insanity (again, not his actual nickname), both named to the pre-season all-conference team.  The Mustangs find themselves ranked sixth, above Cal State Northridge and UC Davis (tied for #7), and Cal State Fullerton at the bottom.  So while six seems like bad place to be, I would like to argue that six can sometimes be pretty awesome.

I mean, let’s just stay in the world of sports, and obviously when you think of the number 6, you think of one person, and one person only.  He was a champion, he played for one of the most storied franchises in sports, and he was synonymous with winning and class.  I am, of course, talking about two time NBA champion with the Los Angeles Lakers, Adam Morrison.

Adam Morrison wore number six for the Lakers and he has a title. It’s just science. By Davej1006, via Wikimedia Commons

We all remember that one game, and that one time when he did that one thing on the basketball court, and who forget that OTHER time when something happened that he was involved in.  Also, there’s Derek Jeter, who is sixth all-time in Major League history in hits.

But the famous 6’s don’t end with Stache and the other guy.  Julius Erving was #6, current Lakers guard Jordan Clarkson currently wears #6 (until they retire it for Morrison), and of course, Hall of Fame center, Patrick Ewing, wore #6…for the Orlando Magic.

The sixes don’t end in the world of sports.  Let’s talk about some of the great sixes in cinema.  Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country made us all forget the insanity that was Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.  Fast Six is the one that brought The Rock into the franchise.  But if you wanna see the biggest parallel between the Mustangs and another number six, one needs to look no further than the magic that is Police Academy 6: City Under Siege.

I know, I know. This is my first post, and it seems like am trying to get kicked off the internet, but just bear with me, and I am pretty sure I can convince you that I am insane..I mean, a genius. Okay, so the Mustangs have been ranked sixth in the Big West Preseason poll despite returning three starters, including David Nwaba who is from Los Angeles, where coincidentally, is where Police Academy 6 was shot, and all-Big West Second Team selections Brian Bennett, and Ridge Shipley.  These are your veterans, the people that you can count on, much like Hightower, Tackleberry, and Jones. These guys have been through a bunch of battles together.  Some highs.  For the Mustangs, the 2014 NCAA Tournament, and for the coppers, the first Police Academy is a legit comedy classic, and all the work they did turning average citizens into C.O.Ps (Citizens on Patrol).

Some lows. The Mustangs loss to UC Davis in overtime on National TV was tough, and I don’t think that the Police Academy will ever fully recover from the inexplicable loss of one Carey Mahoney, who after helping start the aforementioned C.O.P. program, was suddenly missing for their next assignment, Miami Beach.  

The team missed him so much they never even discussed him being around. It’s was if he never existed.  In fact, the Police Academy gang is so shaken up by the loss of Mahoney, that when a new guy arrives, Commandant Lassard’s nephew, Nick, who is clearly just trying to be the new “Mahoney” while in Miami, no one even bats an eyelash.  So, needless to say, tough loss.  However, it is through these veterans that give both the sixth-seeded Mustangs, and the sixth version of the Police Academy, give them a good base for the start of their story.

Which brings me to my next point, the story. Now, one would think that the sixth film in a franchise would not have much of a plot, well, that is where you are wrong my friend. Police Academy 6 introduces a completely different, totally new plot never seen in the Police Academy movies…since the second one.  Basically, there is a criminal mastermind, literally called the “Mastermind”, who is orchestrating a series of robberies all over the city, perpetrated by the Wilson gang, and Commandant Lassard is given the assignment of tracking the “Mastermind” down.  He gets a bunch of his guys together, and then hilarity ensues.

Well, I think it goes without saying that head coach Joe Callero is Commandant Lassard (although, I can safely say that he is about 4,000 times smarter than the aforementioned Commandant), and the Mastermind is everyone who thinks that this Mustang team is not going to be any good. The media is trying so very hard to keep the mighty Mustangs from rising to the top of the Big West, much like no one thought Lassard’s men and women would be able to stop the Mastermind from tormenting the city (or putting the city “under siege” if you will). Well, as we all know the Police Academy gang , was able to stop the Mastermind and save the city. Time will tell if the Mustangs will be able to do the same.

Now one final point that I want to bring up, since no one is asking, is a lot of people would say that Police Academy 6: City Under Siege is a really bad film. In fact there is this website where they take all of the reviews that a film receives and then creates an aggregate percentage score for that film, and that website did give Police Academy 6 a 0%.  However, this same website also shows that Police Academy 4,5,6, and 7 (yes, there is a Police Academy 7 my friends) all have a 0%.

So, just because someone says something is the worst, doesn’t mean that it’s true. If those four movies are all statistically the worst, then each film on it’s own, by definition can’t be the worst, because they can’t all be the worst, only one can (I’m totally insane I know). And for the sake of this piece, let’s say the worst is the seventh Police Academy. Therefore, just because someone, or some poll or website, ranks you low, it doesn’t mean that you are the worst. You hear me Mustang fans?!  Now, let’s get ready for the season, by watching Police Academy 6!

Also, the director’s name is Peter Bonerz. Just saying.